6 Dec 2015


Do you remember?
When we are tired of hectic classes and mounting IB workloads,
Then I will say,
Let’s go. Lepak kat taman, makan kek klana.
Lepak kat tasik, makan pizza masa pizza Hut tengah offer.
Jom pergi T1 beli barang, beli stok makan :p
Let’s have our own moment. Run away from reality for a little while and come back strong!

Do you remember?
On our way to SP, hujan lebat kilat bagai, mandi hujan doe hari tu.
It’s my first and only time solat kat masjid negeri.
It’s my first time jalan dalam SP tu dalam keadaan separa basah.
Makan nasi ayam dalam keadaan sejuk menggigil. I don’t know la what we are thinking at that time,
But,I sure do enjoy myself.
Just so you know, I have a lot of my first time with you.
And for that I could never be more grateful.

You are among those few people that I could be my real person whenever I am with you.
You are among those limited editions that I could say nasty words to, and then aku tak regret pun :p
You are the one manusia yang aku paling hargai masa dekat KMS dulu.
And for that, I thank you.

Thanks sebab redha je ngan perangai tak senonoh aku,
Thanks sebab ajar aku banyak sangat benda,
Thanks sebab jadi kawan yang sentiasa ada untuk aku,
Thanks sebab bimbing aku untuk kenal yang tawakal pada Allah itu, indah sangat. Indeed, it's true.

Semoga kau dapat apa yang kau impikan. Semoga jadi anak yang baik, kakak yang kurang garang (lulz) dan isteri yang solehah, Eh. haha

Thanks for everything. Aku sayang kau.


it's okay to be a freak upon one's eyes...just don't be one upon ALLAH's

12 Jul 2015


Kesalahan masa lampau adalah guru yang terbaik mengajar kita tentang kebenaran.
Kemarahan yang tidak terkendalikan, kecewa yang hampir menuju putus asa, ketakutan yang sering mencengkam, bibir yang begitu mahal dari senyuman, kata-kata yang tajam dan sering menyakitkan.... adalah 'guru-guru' yang pernah bertandang dalam kehidupan agar hati dan kaki ini tulus dan lurus mendepani masa kini dan akan datang.
Syukur ya Allah, air mata masa lalu telah menjadi tinta yang melakar kehidupan masa kini agar lebih segar dan tegar!

*ustaz pahrol muhd juoi

it's okay to be a freak upon one's eyes...just don't be one upon ALLAH's

2 Jul 2015

This is it.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t

Warning: This post will be crazily random - written. There might not be any linkage from one passage to another, so yeah, expect nothing other than that ;)

So, it had already been more than one month since I finish my International Baccalaureate (IB) Diploma in Mara College Seremban. It feels really good at times, especially when you got like no more assignment, no more EE, Essays, IAs and those Cas Log forms to be filled. But, there will be time when I will ponder upon the moments that I had went through, during my IBD, and man, I have to admit, sometimes, I miss those days. Nope, not the time when I keep on pushing myself to finish all the assignments, but the moments of self-taught, friendship, all the laughter and tears I had there. 

Lots and lots of things happened.
And every single one of it is precious.

We have a rough journey.
And when I look back, it is crazy that I could hate and love you at the same time. I still remember the time when you said harsh words to us and even got us out of the class, when we could not answer your question. I still remember the sound of your voice when you are really mad at us. But, still after all, we love you, madam. Well, I do love you. because I know that everything that you do, it comes from your heart :)

Amir wasn't looking at the camera and Haziq was busy being the unofficial deejay of the night. Typical us. 
Presenting The IB95.
We all have different personality, different wavelength of thinking, different background and so many differences that I might not be able to recall. Despite all, they are among the backbone that enable me to stand strong till the very end of time in KMS. Cheers to every single one of us, and may we all be able to pursue our dream, someday in the future.

IB medicine fellas. Ehem, we look good in the white coat, don't you think? hahaha. Coat makmal je pon, not the real one yet,in sha Allah, later, we will wear exactly the one that we crave to hold all this while. This is a tough journey, no one said it was easy. And, I hope, we will made it, together. And be a competent doctor that treats our patient just the way we want our parents to be treated. In sha Allah.

yes, the result will be out in few more days. Tipu la kalau cakap yang there is no fear at all, masa depan kot ni,haha. But,then, there is nothing more that we could do other than pray to Allah, and pray and pray. And siapkan minda. Sebab, i had always believe physical pain and emotional,mind-related pain, their effects are just different and the latter will end up being a torture if we are not good enough in handling it. Ya Allah, may I get the best result that could make my parents proud of me, lead me to your baraqah wa rahmah. Ketentuan Tuhan itu adalah yang terbaik untuk kita, and I just hope that when the time comes, I will be wise enough to decide upon my action and reaction, with your guidance, Ya Rabb. Bersyukur bila berjaya, dan bersyukur dan redha jika kejayaan itu,hakikatnya nanti tertangguh.

And,well, tetiba rasa macam nak tukar url. Tengoklah bila dah dapat result nanti kot ;)
Pray for me, pray for us.
Ramdhan Qareem everyone!

it's okay to be a freak upon one's eyes...just don't be one upon ALLAH's

10 May 2015

I deserve to be happy.

Despite everything that others might say...

Assalamualaikum w.b.t

Hye all!
Alhamdulillah, the examination is very close to the end. Only four days left, and I really hope that I will be given the strength by Almighty Allah to keep on going and just do the best.

Oh ya, I break my promise to not to rant here until exam habis but I couldn't help myself, I need to rant on something just to satisfy myself. So, bear with me ya :)

Masa-masa exam ni, we tend to be tested in so many different ways,
ada orang ujian dia melalui orang-orang sekeliling dia,
ada orang diuji dengan kesihatan,
ada orang diuji dengan masalah pelajaran,
ada orang Allah uji iman dia,
and for me, I was tested with all,
which I know might not be as much as what others might face.

I thank Allah for sending me the people that believe in me,
when the things went wrong,
I thank Allah for sending me the most supportive parents,
and I cant never thank HIM and them enough,
I thank Allah for my friends,
that always be there,
through thick and thin of life.
and though the examination is not the end of life,
I really hope that we will end this with glory,
and victory, in sha Allah :)

p/s: special thanks to shikin for all those chats and walks and support, I love you and I would never thank you enough *though, I know you won' t be reading this* hugs.

it's okay to be a freak upon one's eyes...just don't be one upon ALLAH's

22 Mar 2015

Farewell, people

And I hope I will be gone, for not too long a time.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t

The examination is just around the corner, and this is no small matter for us,
This is our Final IB Examination, and it is just 43 days away,
Not so much time left, aye?

I find it hard to focus, when there are so many distractions on my way,
So, I guess, this is the right time for me, to get back on the track,
And, to gain the momentum, I would have to do what I had done during my SPM time,
which is to stop procrastinating, and to stop procrastinating means, 
no more blogging, no more FB's wall scrolling, and being online as if I got nothing else to do.

So, here I am, contemplating on my past and future undertaking,
Alhamdulillah, we all have past our interview for Numed recently, and only Allah knows how glad and grateful we are. We have received the conditional offer to Numed, and that means we have to ensure that 37 points are achievable in order to pursue our studies in Numed, and I am praying hard for that.

Honestly, there are so may things that have to be settled down before we sit for our examination.
Lists of the selected students for Chemistry, Biology and Math IA moderation aren't out yet,
and I hope I would not be in the list, or else it would be another hard moment for me ;)
There are also a lot of topics needed to be revised, just tones of assignment waiting to be done, and books to be finish reading off,
So I have no choice but to keep the flame on and start doing it all, so wish me luck guys :)

So far, *I think I said this most of the time* my journey here in KMS is one roller-coaster ride,
There were ups and downs,
laughter and tears, 
being scolded and praised,
happiness and sorrow have been packed in one solid disc, called memories,

I keep looking at those old buildings of KMS and pondering upon their contribution to me,
I learned not only during the class lesson, but mostly from life itself,
I learned to be patience, from my own temper and madness,
I learned to respect, even when I think some people just don't deserve my respect,
I learned to be thankful, when life hits me right to the bottom,
I learned to be stronger, when I pick up my broken pieces,
and I hope I had learned to be a better hamba Allah, 
be it in this merely-lasting dunia, and also there in akhirah.

And I also hope,
I would end this journey of IB Diploma with tears,
but not the same one as I had always shed off, all this while.

Finenine, will definitely shine!

it's okay to be a freak upon one's eyes...just don't be one upon ALLAH's

22 Feb 2015

Speaking of truth

Assalamualaikum w.b.t

I often said this,
I can’t be my real self all the time,
It is only when I am with certain people,
Who are close to my heart,
And share the same vibe,
Will I be the real me.

And for you,
Whom I mention above,
Thank you,
For accepting me,

For the way I am.

it's okay to be a freak upon one's eyes...just don't be one upon ALLAH's

12 Feb 2015

Memoir seorang kekasih.

Assalamualaikum w.b.t

Akhirnya, kau pergi jua,
Selamatlah dikau dalam pelukan kasih Tuhan,
Perjuanganmu moga diterimaNya,
Dan syurga nan indah itu,
Moga menjadi tempat hakiki milikmu,
Duhai ayahanda dan murabbi.
Kami ini saksi kebenaran yang kau laungkan.

Wahai jiwa yang tenang,
Kembalilah kepada Tuhanmu dengan hati yang redha dan diredhai,
Maka, masuklah ke dalam golongan hamba-hamba Ku,
Dan, masuklah ke dalam syurga Ku.
A-Fajr (27-30)

Al-fatihah buat Datuk Haji Nik Aziz Nik Mat.
Damailah dikau di sana.

it's okay to be a freak upon one's eyes...just don't be one upon ALLAH's

27 Jan 2015

Of telur and ikan keli

Assalamualaikum wbt

Nama pun dah macam kelakar kan.
Yes, it is funny,
And shocking,
And confusing,
And many more feeling that I can’t even describe.

So, today, as usual I went to DS for dinner,
And that’s it, kena tengking sebab telur and ikan keli, haha.
The second thought makes me wanna laugh and cry simultaneously,
I can’t eat DS’s ikan keli sebab the smell of it kind of making me dizzy after consuming it,
So, last semester, I wrote my name in the list of people who have alahan and tak boleh makan some DS food,
And, dah ditakdirkan Allah, I got scold today,
Because my name was not on the list,
I was shaking at first sebab kena tengking depan orang ramai kot,
And the kesiannya-syaza-sight that the others gave me makes me feel sick,
I wanna cry more, lol.

But, Alhamdulillah, Allah bless me with some patience,
 Even I was having mixed feeling when I was standing in front of that mak cik,
I still can think rationally, and I am grateful for that.
I gave the omelette that was already in my Tupperware (another mak cik DS placed it in my Tupperware right before I got scolded, thanks mak cik, I love you)  to a junior, who was so kind, she even asked me if I wanted to share the omelette with her, but I said it’s okay,
I gave it to her, and took what I supposed to eat for dinner tonight, isi my air, and then blah.
And of course I cry when I reached my room, lol ;)

I cry not really because of the mak cik DS,
She was the only one yang macam garang sikit pun, yang lain are really nice to me and to others,
And I don’t think I cry because I tak boleh makan telur malam ni,
I don’t think I cry because of kena marah dekat tempat umum, I think I am okay with that,
Bengang sikit ada la kot, haha.

But, I cry thinking of the power of the almighty Allah,
Allah, kalau dia cakap it’s not our rezeki, then it’s not,
Tak kira la dalam bentuk apa sekalipun.
The omelette was already in my tupperware kot,
And boleh je kalau nak lari bawak masuk bilik, haha
But, I chose not to,
Because it is not my rezeki J

Thanks Allah,
For everything that has occurred to me,
Be it good or bad,
Thanks for my very supportive friends (mek au datang bilik kot asking whether I am doing good, probably she watched that event too,haha. Thanks mek au J )
Thanks for the very nice junior of mine,
Thanks for the rest of mak cik DS yang memang baik2 pun selama ni, I will be starving if it is not because of them cooking for me
Thanks because turning me into a stronger Syaza J

it's okay to be a freak upon one's eyes...just don't be one upon ALLAH's

15 Jan 2015

Rant on result

Assalamualaikum w.b.t

So, yeah I got like tones of assignment needed to be done,
But, I can't resist to rant, that I promise myself I will have a blog post right after I finished my first paragraph of TOK essay, so here it is....

The result for Semester 3 final examination was out today,
I barely made it, or I am  afraid not yet.
The are lots and lots of people, I mean my batch-mates who did very well,
I could not help it but to ponder upon my own achievement

I did progress upon time, 
But it has been a struggle for me, 
Since the very beginning, the very early moment here in KMS,
I had failed, many times.
But, I bounce up every time when I hit the bottom.
I cry my heart out,
And sometimes the tears dried on its own,
I am not strong, I am very fragile inside,
And I am not afraid of saying it out loud,
Because saying that I am afraid, actually give some courage,
for me to keep moving on,
and never look back..

And the fact that I am able to keep standing tall today,
is because of Allah the Almighty,
and the strength of Rasulullah s.a.w which never fail to inspire me,
and my parents who never give up on me,
and my friends who are always, always there for me,
telling me that I can do it, that believe in me like no one else,
and last but not least, my teachers whose prayers are really meaningful to me,

Thanks for making my journey here in KMS a beautiful, bittersweet ride :)

it's okay to be a freak upon one's eyes...just don't be one upon ALLAH's

13 Jan 2015


Assalamualaikum w.b.t

I almost forgot the feeling,
Of being celebrated and to be wished,
Until this very day.
And for that,
I thank you.
All the three of you *even I know only one will be reading this, heheh*
And for others that keep me in your prayers,
Even I might not know who you are,
Or I might not seem to appreciate your present,
Know that I owe you something that I could never repay,
And no one will be able to do so, but Allah,
May Allah bless you, wherever you are.

Turning 20 this year, there are so many things that I want to accomplish,
And I hope Allah will grant me the time and the strength to keep going on,
And I hope that my time in this merely duniya, will not be wasted,
For it is the thing I regret the most 
I hope my parents will be proud of me,
Proud to call me their daughter,
And I know they are.
They are proud of me, no matter how rebellious or nonsense I am.

And for that, I am thankful.

it's okay to be a freak upon one's eyes...just don't be one upon ALLAH's


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